dumb and dumbererererer

This seems to be a blog where I complain a lot about retail customers... but really, they're the most fascinating people! You've got to wonder how people like this have existed for so long on their own.

#1
For some *odd* reason, my employees felt this guy needed a fish expert and sought me out. Well, they were wrong. What he needed was a heater for his aquarium. He had a three gallon (yup, 3 gallons!) aquarium HALF full of water (yup, 1.5 gallons!), and wondered why his fish kept dying. He had a couple of mollies! Well, I informed him of the fact that his winter-cold apartment and inky dinky tank were too small for anything, but he could try goldfish. His response was he thought mollies were goldfish. I just KNOW i'm going to end up putting "these are tropical fish that require heaters" on every single tank.

#2
A woman waited on me to finish with above guy. Said she had purchased a relatively expensive automatic litter box a few months ago and it was already broken. She assumed the motor had burnt out (good lord maybe her kitty needs to see a vet!!). She complained about having to buy another kind of litterbox in the mean time (cheapos are like $4). She didn't have the receipt, which pretty much ended it for me as I can't do anything without some kind of proof she got it at my store (and you wouldn't believe how often people try to cheat us!). I recommended she call the company and see what they could do for her in terms of replacement or troubleshooting. Without batting an eye, she informed me that I would call the company for her, and she would try whatever they said, then call me back later to update me... Uhhh ok... Now, if it hadn't been for the fact that we had just went through a really boring seminar on customer service, I would have told her no. And, in fact, I will do that from now on, as I do have certain tasks I have to get done every day and help customers that need help I can provide.

So I call up their 800 number and explain to the guy that this chick is apparently phone shy and that I will have to be the go-between. He asks model number. I don't know! Woman points to her model, I have someone bring it to me, read it off. Operator is annoyed I don't have it in hand. Ohhh, buddy, don't start a pissing contest with me, I guarantee I'll win! So he goes through this reboot procedure, expecting me to do it along with him, which I will NOT do because I am not taking that enormous litter box out and then finding all the little parts I lose and sticking it all back in the box. I write down all the information, along with their number, and hand it to the woman who is just standing there waiting for me. Well, now, she doesn't believe that'll work. Ok, well, I don't care, try it anyway. She wants to know if she has to send it back to them if she has to pay for the shipping. I point out the number I just gave her AGAIN and tell her that they can answer those questions as I haven't the faintest idea.

I am FASCINATED by the people that come into the store. Some treat us like slaves, some like heros, and still others don't even acknowledge our existence. I think I could just sit up in the office and watch people all day long. Retail really sours you on people, though. You get about one bad egg a day, it could be someone trying to cheat the store, somebody using you as a scapegoat, or just some jerk that gets a kick out of tormenting people. I know I'm certainly sick of people. I am definitely a homebody, and sometimes I think if I never saw another person again it might be too soon!