Retail Store Etiquette

This kind of crap happens to me all the time. I'm pretty sure the jerks don't realize how rude they are (but then again, they probably do) so I'm going to point it all out so you can hopefully avoid this stuff. Remember: I may be smiling and acting polite on the outside, but you have no idea what I'm really thinking!!

1) Don't stab me with your credit card. A lot of people just THRUST out their card and poke me in the soft part of my hand. Don't do that. Gently hold it out please. I will get it. I won't drop it. I promise.
2) Don't put your money on the counter if I am holding out my hand for it. That really makes me want to throw the change at your face.
3) Don't move your hand away if I'm giving you your change or receipt in an order that you don't want to receive it in. God forbid you take an extra second to move your change to where you want it. I didn't like playing hot hands as a child, and I don't like playing it now. Take it how I give it to you and move on, I've got a line.
4) Don't ask me if a different store has a certain product. Do I look like I work at that store? Why would I help out a competing store? Do a little research yourself.
5) Don't buy $20 worth of pet stuff and then tell me how spoiled your pets are. I drop more than $20 a DAY. My favorite are the people that buy shitty pet food and then tell me their pets are spoiled. They're not spoiled, they are malnutritioned. Huge difference.
6) Don't bitch about prices to me. I don't set them. I don't care.
7) Don't bitch about us not having a certain item that you want. I don't order them. I don't care.
8) Don't tell me long drawn out stories about how happy your betta is to wiggle around when he sees you coming. That's stupid. And I don't care. I will initiate conversation with you if I feel it necessary.
9) Don't complain to me about the size of the animal's cages - that kind of stuff needs to be taken up with the owner or corporate or somebody waaaay more important. I can't do anything about it and it just makes me feel like I'm a big lump of crap. Go to the top of the food chain.
10) Don't try to return things you bought at other stores. We're actually aware of what products we sell, and what we don't.
11) Don't call the store to get prices on a million items. Come in and shop like normal people. No pet store has a staff just to go around and check prices for people who call. Usually it's the cashier, who usually has a line of people to ring up.
12) Don't assume you know more than the salesperson. I agree, pet store people are notoriously stupid. However, I have not met anybody who has known more about birds than I, except my professors at college, of course. I had to lecture somebody the other day who started to complain about the size of a bird's cage - even though it's bigger than the minimum size AND she gets out ALL the time! Also, I would say I am an expert on fish, turtles, and dogs. So if you're coming to me with a cat question, you've got me. But don't just assume that pet store people don't know what they're talking about.
13) Don't infer that I am lucky to have the job I have. I am terribly overqualified for my current position, and every single time I walk in the front door it is a reminder of how horrible it is to work in this economy with a house payment, car payment, bills, and some fuzzy dependents. And you trying to make me feel like I'm lucky really makes me want to chop my head off.
14) Don't ask to see the manager just to hand her an application. She hates that, it wastes her time. I hate that, it brings her close to my register so she can find something to complain about. Plus, my hands work perfectly well at grabbing and filing an application.
15) Don't ask for the manager if you have a pet question. Ask for whoever is an expert in that area. I don't know how many managers our company has that don't even OWN pets. It's a lot though. We've got one at our store, one at a nearby store..

Ok, I am really tired now. So I'll stop. I'm sure I've got a lot more though. Can you tell I really hate customer service? That's gotta be some of the hardest money ever earned. Well, have a nice night all!